Dating: Trick-or-Treat?

By Geanice Gee, M.A.

Are you thinking about taking your date trick-or-treating on October 31^st? Assuming that this is your first date with this person, one could only imagine that you would like to make a good first impression. So, before you go to  some stranger's front door saying "trick or treat" or arrive at your date's house dressed as your favorite '80's character, it may be best to plan ahead.

 

If you plan ahead, you could potentially prevent a disastrous night. As it has been stated in previous posts, the key to any successful relationship is effective communication. Therefore, you should start this new relationship off with effective communication. This can be done by asking questions and listening to your future date's response.

 

The most important question you should ask your date is if he or she would be interesting in going trick-or-treating. If your date rejects this idea, it would be best to change your plans in order to accommodate your date's interest. However, if your date is interesting in going trick-or-treating, decide on where the two of you are going to meet and which costumes you both are going to wear. 

 

While on this date, you should: 

• Get to know your date (likes, dislikes, hobbies, education, job...)

o   Don't make it your goal to get as much free candy as possible

o   Don't make the date all about you

o   Don't appear to be childish

o   Don't talk about pasts relationships 

• Engage in other activities after you two are finished trick-or-treating, such as attending a Halloween party or going to the movie theater

• Take some advice from the previous posts

 

 

 

 

 

Dating: The Single Parent

By Geanice Gee, M.A.

Did you know that ninety-two percent of single parents would rather date other single parents? Being a single parent presents its challenges, and could often feel equivalent to a full-time job for some. In addition to taking care of yourself, you have another person's interest to consider. Therefore, good parents put their child's needs before their own. 

As a single parent, it's best to be selfless, organized, and patient. Having to provide for another, most single parents put their priorities in order, which often places dating and their love life on the back burner. To most single parents, their child's happiness is much more important than their own, and at times, some parents keep their guards up because of failed relationships; some fear being hurt again.  

As a single parent, you are the child's sole provider/guardian; therefore, you take on numerous roles in addition to any work done outside of the home, such as working a full-time job or obtaining a higher education. In fact, the single parent often takes on the role of a nurse, tutor, counselor, and a role model. Being a single parent can draining and time consuming, therefore, it's of most importance to find a partner who is able and willing to work with their obligations. 

As a role model, a single parent should lead by example and display characteristics of a person he or she would like his or her child to become. Single parents must face the fact that their children watch their every move and look to them for guidance. Children are very impressionable; therefore, parents must be mindful and cautious when dating and bringing partners in and out of their child's life. 

However, single parents shouldn't feel the need to limit their happiness; instead, those who are struggling with time management should work on this area in order to find that special person.  As a parent, you would like the best for your child, so show this through your actions. Some aspects that a single parent should focus on when dating include:

• Being  selective 
• Being able to manage/balance time 
• Conducting  a background check 
• Refraining from introducing your child to one nightstands/flings 
• Including your child in activities 
• Dating someone that likes children 
• Putting your child's needs first 
• Making sure your child gets along with the person 
• Making sure the person is genuine, and with you for the right reasons 

*The key to any successful relationship is effective communication and the ability to manage/balance time.

First Date Check List

By Geanice Gee, M.A. 

Let's say, you've met someone online and now the two of you would like to meet in person. You're excited and anxious at the same time, but then you look over at your laptop and have an epiphany. You've never met this person before; you've only texted and talked over-the-phone. Negative thoughts enter your mind.  

You're probably questioning if the person on the other end is actually who s/he claims to be. In fact, you're probably stressing and wondering if your online dating story will end with you being featured on the next season of MTV's Catfish or Swamp Murders on the ID Channel. Either way, it doesn't look good to you.  

However, you should be just fine as long as you plan ahead. Before you meet this person, there are several steps you may want to follow. The first step is to conduct a background check to verify the person's identity. The  second step is to set up an Oclub App account by visiting http://www.oclubapp.com/.

The third step is to video chat with the person to make sure s/he meets your standards…remember to get a close up and a full body shot of your future date. In addition to conducting a background check, signing up for the Oclub App and using the video chat feature,  you should follow the steps below when preparing for your first date. 

Hygiene and Personal Care

• Bathe using soap/body wash and water; make sure no dirt residue is left on your skin.

• Brush and floss your teeth and keep a pack of mints handy.

• Shampoo and style your hair and pack mini products such as a comb and brush for touch ups.

• Put on some of your favorite fragrance, but not too much; please, don't forget to put on deodorant.

 Clothing 

• Pick out an outfit a day or so before the date; wear an outfit that you're comfortable in…dress to impress, but don't show too much skin or overdress for the occasion. To eliminate being overdressed, know ahead of time where you're going for the date.

Date Location

• Write down directions before you leave for your date. If the meeting location is unfamiliar, you may want to do a test run a day or so before the date.  

• If you don't want your date to know where you live, suggest a place where the two of you could meet.

Dating  Etiquette

• Be on time for the first date. 
• Be a good listener.
• Be yourself.
• Smile throughout the date.  
• Be polite by using words such as please and thank you. 
• Maintain eye contact. 
• Laugh at jokes, but only when they're funny.
• Silence your phone or turn it off completely; no texting, taking calls or checking your phone.
• Don't talk about past relationships.
• Don't drink too much alcohol.
• Don't use profanity.
• Don't be too talkative. 
• Don't force anything, especially a connection that isn't there.  

Top 10 Turn Offs For Most Men

By  Geanice  Gee,  M.A. 

1.      Talking about your monthly (period) is a major turn off. I don't know if it's the thought of menstrual blood coming from the genital area or if some men have had a bad experience with a woman during this time of the month; in any case, women please refrain from talking about your monthly unless it's necessary. Times when it's absolutely necessary include:

•  When your monthly is late,
• When you're preparing to have sex, or 
• When you need your partner to pick up feminine products.

2.      Wearing granny nightgowns or panties to bed is a "no-no," especially for unmarried women. The goal should be to get him to marry you; so try to look your best at all times and save your granny gear until after the honeymoon. Think smart!

3.      Believe it or not, most men don't like it when women want to consume all of their time; therefore clingy women are a major turn off. You don't want to become his shadow, better yet; he doesn't want you to follow his every move.

Allow him to hang with his friends without you constantly calling, sending text messages or threats; in other words, let him experience the world without you. You'll see that this time apart is healthy for your relationship.

4.      In general, rolling out of a pair of clean or dirty underwear and then leaving them where they fall is nasty. No one wants to see dirty clothing from a guest lying around their house or wake up to a nose twisting bad odor in the morning. Please, collect your dirty laundry, and put it in your own hamper. It's best to present yourself as a neat freak instead of as an unkempt woman.  

5.      Most women don't like men who can't handle their liquor and believe it or not, most men don't like drunken women either.

6.      Swearing in public is unladylike and a turn off for most men. Please, refrain from using any language that would show you in a negative light or as a manly woman that no man wants to date.

7.      A nagger that just won't shut up is very annoying in general.  Most men prefer not to hear constant complaining. Think about it, why would anyone want to come home to someone that is always finding faults and is negative? If you can't find any good in him, maybe you should consider leaving him instead of making both of your lives miserable.

8.      Try not to talk negatively about his friends as they are often a reflection of him. If you don't like the company he keeps, you may want to find a positive way to present this information, so that it doesn't appear that you are trying to control him and his relationships. You don't want to be seen as a control freak, so be cautious, and whatever you do, don't belittle his friends or relatives. 

9.      Men don't like it when women give too many directions during sex. Let him be the guide and if he lacks experience teach him; but if he doesn't want your input, it may be best to replace him with a man who is willing to listen and learn. 

10.  Wearing pajamas throughout the day gives the impressive that you're a lazy/dirty person. Every day you should bathe, brush your hair and teeth even when you don't plan to leave the house. Most men don't like funky women, so it's best to have good hygiene when interacting with the opposite sex.